Monday, September 19, 2005

A Bummer of a Friday

Who could have ever thought a 4th grader could bully their own teacher. Ya it was a bummer of a day. I finished Friday totally frustrated at the fact that I had no control over the kids, and all the while feeling they were going to take with them constant memories of a mean lady always telling them to be quiet and pay attention. I walk a fine line where I am trying to be a good teacher/role model but also be liked. I'm terribly afraid I won't be liked. I was just flat out a rough day, and I'm glad it's over.
I don't know why it matters whether I'm liked or not. It should matter most that I provide constant guidance and respectful teaching. I guess that will be my new focus for the future. I just had all I could take on Friday, so I can now look back and say you can only go up from here. I was struck even harder when my husband told me I was bossy.. I could have sank through the floorboards of the car :( It's my past come back to haunt me, being told I am a bossy person. Hope I can work on that one.

Monday, September 12, 2005

A new respect

Since by now if you ever attempted to keep up with reading my crazy rants, if you catch this one quickly you either have too much time on your hands, or are obsessed with me. Just kidding, all I can say is if you haven't given up hope and thinking I have fallen off the face of the planet you are a good person, one who definitely perseveres. Neway a lot has changed over the past couple of months. I have since moved back home to Memphis, TN! David and I gave up hope on our adventure of building a house and have since purchased and moved/tried to settle into a preexisting home. Pretty darn cool. It's a gorgeous,brand new 2 story house, as you can see from the pictures I posted on dot mac. Never would have been able to fathom the burden of cleaning a place this big. But I'm working on it... Even having a tiny zero lot line yard is a task to reckon with.
Needless to say, this summer I took a job with Williams-Sonoma which I loved but as the summer wound down I went after the job I have always wanted to have. I took a job as a 4th grade teacher's assistant and the IT assistant to my mother-in-law at the local Catholic Church. ( can't get much better than having your job be 5 min away) So my first, real full-time job. Way to go me, especially since it's about time, after having waited a year to get anything accomplished!
And now I approach the topic of my article heading. I have a new found respect for the world teachers embrace. I really don't know how they do it. Gathering a group of rowdy, loud and headstrong children. I associate their role to one of a mother duck getting her chicks in line. Nurturing them, wearing a smile everyday (more often because cute kids just do it to you) giving them confidence, pushing them toward a common goal of independence and self-reliance. Dealing not only with each individual child's problem, but also dealing with their parents as well. I have stepped into a position of role model, because with everything I do I have 23 pairs of eyes watching my every move. You are there to set the standard. The scariest part of it all, I remember more of my 4th grade year more than any other year in elementary school. That really freaks me out, especially since maybe one day these students will look back at their 4th grade year and remember me! Very scary. I even have to be conscious of how I look in public. Since you wouldn't want to be caught by one of your kids while you are out to the movies, looking like a hoochie. (not like I'm out wearing belly shirts and daisy dukes) This position for me is a step into a new realm of adulthood. Eh, maybe this is one step closer to learning how to be a parent. Who really knows. I had to laugh at myself, for after only 2 days of work I was telling David "I want ONE!" Never thought you'd hear that from me, ever, did ya. Believe me it was a change for me too. They are just so darn cute. The little things that excite them (Simon says, The prize box, and bringing a drink as a special treat on Friday) never thought something so simple could mean so much. You really forget the simple joys when you get caught up in the big world.
They are so inquisitive. I get asked about everything, which car in the parking lot do I drive and why? where do I live? Why do I have my ears pierced 2x, and do I like it? That was a fun question to answer. At the beginning of school I got my ears double pierce for the fun of it. Carol (mother-in-law) was getting hers done for the first time, and I have to say piercing can be addictive (once you get past the fear of pain part) So now I have another random set of holes I have to adorn w/ something fun. It's sad, but I hope I am not looked at differently b/c I have my ears double pierced. (Since David says those people are hoochies. Guess I'm one now too!) I figure it's just a random desire and I'll let them grow out later when I get sick of not being able to look dressy when I have 2 sets of holes to deal with. (maybe that's just a random misconception I have about it). Well as I've now written a small novel I will quit for a bit and add more of my ventures later. Adios.