Sunday, May 01, 2005


I can't begin to describe the wonderful feeling of being back at home. Being surround by old friends and seeing their genuine excitement to have you back makes being here so much sweeter. It's been fun again, going out around town wondering if you will bump into someone you know. It has also yet to sink in that we are here for good right now. I've felt like this entire time I need to rush, rush, rush because this is another short weekend that we have to take in for the moment before we go back. This time I do finally realize I can't say, "ok we're ready to back 'home' " because normally after the 3 days we are ready to be back on our own turf and independent again.
All in all, it is truly wonderful. I am yearning to find something to make me feel useful. I'm anxious and nervous about feeling out of place since David leaves to start the official travel part of his job next week. I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm a scardy cat about looking for a job because I always talk myself out of stuff since I think I'm not smart enough to do it or that I just won't be able to hack it. (being yelled at if a manager, destroying someone's computer if I kept working at Apple and aspired to do more) I really need to take a lesson at SUCKING it UP, and just step forward to try. Sigh. Things will start to fall into place, but being jumbled at the moment is an uneasy feeling. I just don't even know how to begin since I've never really recognized what drives my happiness. I feel so superficial too often :( it's a downer. What would truly make me happy in life? What do you think, and what do you know that I don't? I have an incredible husband, who has given me the opportunity to do whatever I would like to do, and I'm stumped. I've run down a lot of possibilities, but I'm always thinking what am I missing. Go figure.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Suck it up! You put your mind to it, and you can do anything! You're a smart girl, don't worry about it! Trust me...